A Giver…

In this life where everyone wants something all the time, have you found yourself to be the one who gives and gets pretty much nothing back?

No, I am not talking about money or gifts or something materialistically valuable. I am talking about gestures which show you are always the one who is called or texted or spoken to just because the other person wants something out of you.

Do you think about how much you have given and you in your thoughts ask yourself, when will I get something back, when will this person call me to say hey, let me get you a coffee or a pizza or at-least appreciation saying okay you did this when I asked and I acknowledge your effort(s).

Is it wrong to expect a

“thank you bro, you made my day. I will get you a treat or I’ll be around when you need anything. Just give me a call”

I have always been told not to expect but if you love giving just give because you are blessed to be a giver. We seldom find people who are willing to contribute. We rarely find instances where there are bunch of people who are waiting to help.

It feels mentally exhausting to be asked all the time.

Well, in this world full of askers be the one who gives. Be thankful that you are trusted enough that they call you asking for something. It’s a rare gift, I am sure someone somewhere is keeping a note of checks and balances. And you one day will be duly paid.

If all of this doesn’t make sense to you, it means there is a high possibility that you have been asking more than giving. Call your giver and show them some love.

A Companion

Are you one of those who is constantly thinking of finding a perfect partner who has similar interest or to find one who has many things common as you? We are all in the hunt to find that perfect companion.

No this is not an advertisement for a matrimonial site or a dating app. 😀

Many of my friends on social media share these special moments of their lives with their spouse and the images are simply perfect. You believe they are living a fairy tale life with happiness everywhere. This makes me wonder, why am I not one of them? Why don’t I have a picture perfect life. While the question to be asked is am I willing to work as hard as my friends to maintain a relationship or to fight for my spouse to keep her happy?

Finding a companion isn’t hard, you just need to have the willingness to adapt, to sacrifice, to give more than you take, to be selfless and to relentlessly work hard to make things work. In this age of communication, I feel people are very disconnected emotionally. We always find something better, I want Pizza, I just check Zomato and there are always so many options, always a better than before option too. Our brain applies the same logic to partners as well, if there is a fight, we think “oh there will be someone better so let go!”

Staying committed to a person and discussing pain points will definitely help the relationship grow stronger. This genX attitude of easily letting go is making us humans very practical and logical. We don’t give importance to emotions or feelings. We want everything to be happy and Disney world types. Well friends, life isn’t a TV series, there are unhappy moments, moments where not everyone agrees to your view point, where there is a suggestion to a situation which is better than you ever thought there could be. We need to keep our EGO aside and listen to an advise we never asked for because that person is willing to help you be better without you asking for any kind of input.

All this because we want a companion, sure life can be lead without support, alone. I can do things on my own. What if there is a better way to do things with a person who loves your company. Who wants to be around because they feel comfortable around you? Who feels “He/she is why I smile 10 times a day without a reason”

Why not give yourself that chance to be happy for others? Why be selfish thinking okay I don’t want to share or take burden? Humans are social beings and that is what makes us “not animals”.

Yes, find a person and talk to them. Tell them what you are willing to contribute to make things work, to make life worthwhile. To see a future which has non-materialistic things which can be gained only through a companion. After all, we cannot live life believing money is everything. It truly cannot buy you happiness which a partner can.

Judgemental Us

While browsing through YouTube I stumbled upon a video from America’s Got Talent. I was mesmerised and astonished by the enormous amount of true talent some of the participants had. Some great singers/rappers/magicians and comedians.

All of these participants were so damn good at their performance. Imagine you are able to impress Simon Cowell in 3 mins. A man who can just make your confidence go from 10000 to 0 in seconds is actually praising you! That itself is an achievement.

All of these performances and one thing is common between all these people, irrespective of who they are and what they do, they have a dark story behind their smiling face. A story that makes you wonder if in the true sense of the world you have faced problems. Their stories remind you about how hard work and humility are a combination that can take you places.

We look at them walking on the stage and we judge their looks immediately, you know that is the tendency of us humans. We don’t know what they have gone through yet we picture a negative story about them.

I applied this thought outside the video and I realised how easily we judge people. Our approach towards people is often so negative. We find ways to discredit that person on the basis of his looks, his clothing and lack of style perhaps. But do we ever think what that person must be going through, what might be his story.

Acceptance is such a difficult task for us. Yes, that person is like that. He is behaving that way, so what? Who are we to decide how a person is supposed to be? Who made these rules? Why can’t we just say that person is unique in his or her own way. Let’s know them better and understand their perspective of life, maybe that way we will learn to be better at something, maybe that will help us see life differently.

Like the famous saying goes “never judge the book by its cover”. It might be time that we follow the saying and make it a rule in our life. I particularly always say this “everyone is fighting a war of their own, let’s not make their time with us a battle too”

Oh Mother!

We both have established that it is effectively a mother son day, everyday. Since the society has set the mood to honor mothers on this day, let me write something.

I don’t want to mention the sob stories that we have been through. We have had our share of happiness. The fun times are worth a recap.

I always tell everyone I know that I live with a 21st century mom while I am old school, more of a 20th century guy. I often remember the long late night bike rides we used to go on. I mean, none of my friends have even mentioned that they went on a ride with their mom. Bangalore was absolutely pleasant and the talks we used to have about random things was so special. We always have had many common things to talk about. You have taught me to lavishly spend and also to save for the bad times. It is a habit now that we luxuriously live. You are a big lesson and a chapter which can never run out of pages.

Our love for food, oh my god. We should sit and make a list of the restaurants we have been to and the particular signature dish that restaurant is known for. Food has been our passion, our to do thing, our comfort, our joy. The hunger never satiates. We are always ready to try the best rated restaurant around Bangalore and out of it some times 😉

I also think about the number of movies and sitcoms we have watched. Binge watching friends, horror movies was a thing for the weekend. The collection of movies, downloads, DVDs. What a life!

I will always remember the little things that you have taught me. The recent cooking lessons, the responsible living, being happy everyday without having to be insecure about the future.

Most people live for tomorrow. Saving everything they have for a rainy day. Leading a mediocre life anticipating happiness tomorrow, you taught me to be happy today. You have taught me to find happiness in little things. So the lesson is learnt. I am happy for a lot of reasons. You are the guru, whatever I am today, it is because of you. I am thankful for the life that has been gifted by you.

Mother, you are awesome!

Immense Love

The heart is filled with love, affection, compassion and care. Any human we feel attached to automatically is the outlet to all these emotions. I give, shower love to everyone around but isn’t it heart wrenching that none comes back?

I see women who are to be treated like queens, goddesses but they chose to live a life full of compromises and pain. I feel I could give them so much more. I give, I get nothing back.

I loved one with all my heart, I kept repeating that she is amazing and I would do anything for her. I gave, got something back. I felt very special but I wasn’t meant to be with her. I broke. I chose to be alone. Again, there is immense love in the heart. There is nobody to give it to.

I am not even waiting for someone nowadays. The hope doesn’t linger in this heart. I have let go of the only constant, HOPE.

I have no answer to what’s in store for me. Is this the battle I have to wage alone? What is the meaning of my existence? What is the purpose?

Little do we know how emotions can play with your thoughts, so many unanswered questions!

For all there is left is LOVE! This too shall pass.

How much can you accept?

It is a very tiring process when you expect things out of people and all you see is disappointment. Over the years, I have developed this strong sense to keep away from all humans. By keeping away I mean that I just am with that person for that particular moment. I move away from that meet and there is no more urge to keep in touch. You meet your colleague, be happy around them when in office. After work, no contact, it’s like I don’t know you. Although I am a person who likes conversations and thought exchange, it is heart wrenching when you don’t see a reciprocation.

Human interactions are meaningless and very less of knowledge exchange. It is mostly gossip and small talk. We are limiting our mind’s capacity to learn and absorb new ideas, new possibilities. We are forcing it to think small, fill in EGO, hatred and every possible negative aspect that there could be.

When you are around people and you hear their talks, you understand that it is full of selfishness. Why would I want to hear your sob story? How do you think I can contribute in making things better? I agree some times people just want to vent but what gives you the idea that I am the exhaust fan that is willing to blow your steam off?

It is hard to be an emotional person and keep those emotions in you. You want an outlet but nobody seems to be willing to listen or ask what’s going on. Plus you also have that insecurity in your head about how your emotions could be a topic of gossip to the other person.

When such thoughts run in your head, life seems so complicated. Why can’t things be simpler. Social being in an anti social environment is a cause towards sadness.

Tendency!

Don’t we all have a list of things we ‘tend’ to do?

While you lead your routine life, your subconscious tends to do things on auto pilot. Is this really a tendency or habitual occurrence?

Over the years, it has been evident that the brain is so strong that it is hard to be a constant. My question is when we can’t have a constant thought, how is it that we have a constant routine?

If my brain is capable of treating a person differently every other day, why is the brain agreeing to do the same routine in the same way from so many years.

Let us talk with examples: I am at work, I am required to start my day early, I am in office at 7 am. So the annoying ‘routine’ starts at 5:30 am. You wake up do the same things 5 days a week. Meaning, from your 5:30 am alarm to the time you leave office at 5 pm is the same. It has become so monotonous that the brain is running parallel thoughts about the surroundings, while it is instructing me on how to complete the given task at work.

I am bothered by thoughts, new thoughts now and then. But the work, the style of completing responsibility hasn’t changed.

This is when I feel I am not challenging my mind enough. Your work no longer requires your creative side. It is more robotic, instead of a machine being fed codes, our brain has been mapped to follow instructions.

We as humans get comfortable and pacify ourselves, we do not want to take risks, jump hurdles. We sit there everyday doing the same things over and over again.

What stops us? Should I blame the tendency?

Let’s think about it!

Brainy emotions!

Is that even a possibility? Can our brain process emotions or does it give the heart instructions to feel?

The positive aspect about Bangalore’s traffic is that you can feed your brain some thoughts. You can answer some questions which life throws at you.

While riding my bike, I did exactly that. We meet new people, we suddenly notice the good things in them. We get attracted to the goodness and neglect the bad in them. Is it just that or does our heart choose to neglect the bad in any person. Does the brain weigh the good vs the bad and decide to stay good with the good?

The friends that left good memories embeded in you suddenly are remembered, you learn a lesson from your previous encounters with friends who are no longer in your life. You remember how your heart instructed you to befriend them ignoring their flaws. You liked the good in them. You remember the same decisions you took previously and become aware if you should really be close to the new semi kind friend.

There is a constant fear, a phobia. Philophobia to be precise. You try to keep yourself safe from a probable wound. You suddenly have trust issues. You choose to stay away. You are walking the lonely road out of nowhere.

That road is scary for a person who likes socializing, however, a person who gets addicted to the lonely road is a fearless, brutal and ruthless human, who has very less space for feelings or empathy.

The choice is tough. The social person takes the risk and finds comfort in the new friend, the question is, for how long?

It is up to life to take care of the person who chose his/her heart over his brain. To be practical or to be emotional.

Nonstop nonsense!

A smile!

It is such a pleasant emotion. A smile. I normally smile when I see someone familiar. I smile when I watch kids play on the road. I smile when I hear a mother console her kid about a toy she couldn’t buy for him. There is a rush of happiness when you smile but have you thought about how positive that smile makes your day?

I remember somebody close to my heart and think about how sweet that person is. How many moments of joy we have shared in the past. Again, do you stop at that moment and wonder how long that joy is going to be in your life?

As humans we tend to just live in the moment and when we go back in time and wonder. We miss all that was in the past. We wish it never stopped.

Life reminds us of how time is so unpredictable. What we held yesterday is long gone today. We feel we are in total control of things around us, when we actually observe, there are a very few things that we can control.

You build a whole story in your head about your future and the people who you would want in it. The best people who just match your thought process and personality. You would dedicate your today thinking about how things would be tomorrow with XYZ person. How long were you able to drag that thought along before a wave of uncertainty (read reality) hit you hard. You decide to live that moment again without the worry about tomorrow.

I have never been able to maintain consistency. There is so much uncertainty. In terms of most aspects in life. The only certain thing in life is food, sleep and your job.

I am not sure why these thoughts are roaming in my head but it all started when I thought of a smile!