Ego Wars – Barriers of Communication

It was a promise made to myself and all the people that were in my life – I will abstain from thinking in terms of ‘I’

Most of my acquaintances, friends, relatives and colleagues always start a story with I. For a listener it is a learning experience to understand what happened with them. It is really nice to hear stories. But at a certain point you suddenly realise how this ‘I’ can go on and on about themselves. As long as the stories are humorous, it is pleasant. What happens when this ‘I’ start complaining about how life has been difficult and God has not bestowed his blessings?

Most of us have a friend / friends who keep complaining about how nothing goes right in their life. Do they even think about how many unfortunate people are there in this world and their misery is of such a huge magnitude than ‘I’s?

A conversation is interesting for me even though I am to listen to a person is narrating his/her sob story. I would think in terms of a solution to the problem but are they telling it to find a solution or just to get some sympathy?

They give you 100s of problems that they face and you are able to provide apt solution to the problem, does that work for them? Hell no! They have convinced themselves that they are the chosen ones. Not in a positive way 😛

What happens when this ‘I’ comes between those 2 who are in a relationship? Where both are to think in terms of ‘We’ but they think in terms of ‘I’?

Life is not easy here! Imagine a couple who has been single for most of their life and suddenly they decide to be in a relationship. They both are used to think in terms of individuals. Their thought process has been alligned to think and survive as a ‘I’.

If the guy in the relationship wants to do something, he tells his girlfriend that he wants this. The girl thinks in her point of view and says why are you doing this, shouldn’t we be doing this together?

The guy would do that activity alone all these years and he never thought of it in her point of view.

It is a change of habit, an I has to become we instinctively. Everyday, every minute.

The definition of I changes to egoistic approach towards life. Also can be termed as self centered.

This little seed of ego keeps growing. The girl would always think that the guy is thinking only in terms of himself and doesn’t contribute to the relationship.

Every small talk turns into an argument because both are not convinced that they are doing anything for the relationship but for themselves.

This is how Ego works. It grows and comes in between every conversation.

The boy no longer wants to listen to what the girl says because he has his mind thinking she is going to fight or disagree or argue over whatever he has decided to do. The girl on the other hand has made up her mind that the boy is never going to listen to her or share anything with her.

The Ego has grown into a big monster between two people who were supposedly in love.

How does a person get rid of this monster that is coming between 2 well deserved youngsters?

Either of them won’t stand down. Their muscular ego won’t let them to. The individual thinks it is a matter of self respect. The definition of self respect is changed.

The differences keep growing between the two. That is how they drift apart.

Dealing with Emotions!

The word “emotion” is very simple. It means a certain reaction to a certain situation or an event that is happening around you. Very easy to define. How does a person deal with these emotions, that is a difficult task. 

Emotions vary and are subject to instant change. Generally in life, we tend to look past our emotional involvement, needs and habits. 

It is very rare that a person would get up and tell himself to laugh a lot that day. We would want to be happy but will we want to plain, simple laugh? Because laughter isn’t our need, we don’t have to laugh and still be happy and contented with our surroundings. This is a dilemma. 2 interconnected emotions and they don’t have to coexist. 

A human is supreme because of his ability to show compassion, he can empathise and he can express emotions. How does a human learn about these emotions? Are they constant or are they variables? Do we all feel or go through the same emotions when we pass through a similar event? 

When we journey through life, we regularly notice and observe. Some of us like to learn by reading body language, human behavior and other psychological happenings. 

We come across people who are very different and unique. They are of the same age, region, faith and have a lot general points which make them seem similar. The big question is, are they really similar? Will the observer just notice the similarty or is he spending time understanding the difference between these people. 

As an observer, I have noticed that most of us are a bag full of emotions. We react, respond and digest in our own individual way. If I have a 100 people in my life, will I stay sane by analysing their emotions? I tried, it is a daunting task. 

All of us are in the same moment, the problem is in our perception. We think only about ourselves. “Aham”, The word that can destroy relationships. If it doesn’t destroy, it means that isn’t a relationship. It is a chapter filled with compromise. When I stand with a group of people, I should become we. That is what is special about the group, all of us are 1 and not 100 individuals. This is my perception, nobody has to agree with me. 

When an important individual decides to leave you, there are a million thoughts hitting your mind. We start questioning things, we force ourselves into an abyss. We find comfort with our company. Self sufficient human is indestructible. He finds comfort in solace. Is that good or bad? I haven’t found an answer to that question. A lone survivor or a loving partner? Who is better? Depends on your perception. I can’t judge 😉

Emotions and expectations are lethal. They are an invitation to a heartbreak. We as people tend to think or expect people opposite to us to understand what is going on in our head. I mean if that could be done, why would humans need a language to communicate. It is best to talk than expect the person to be equipped with telepathic skills 😀

While emotions can bring people closer, it can also drift them apart. We are either independent where our emotions are concerned or we depend on our friend or family to carry a certain burden. If we rely on our friend to carry the burden, it means the friend is either willfully into it or has been forced to be a part. We all have our own battles to wage, why make a multiplayer game? 

The emotional storm is not easy to forecast. It might be a tsunami or a puff of dust. Emotions are not to be played with, they are heartfelt for you, for the person who is feeling it. The recipient of the emotions might take it to be foul play. Our emotions are to be backed with action. Just display of emotions are often misunderstood to be pretence. I can’t say I like you and hold that person’s hand. It has to be often proven that it is true. In my learning, it is by not saying ‘No’. 😉

How many of us are respected for being ourselves? We are all judged, this is why people are afraid to show their true selves. We take the shape of the container while in the company of others, why are we all so eager to be accepted? Why are we afraid of being judged? Doesn’t it mean we are not living for ourselves? 

Relation”ships” (wish it was smooth sailing)

Do you relate to the line which says “maintain your relationship”, I feel that is the easiest advice to give. Easy to say but that is hard to implement. 

Over the years, it came to my notice that each person in your life likes you for a particular reason. When you try thinking and analyzing what does this ‘x’ person like me for. You get different answers while recollecting the different people existing in your life. 

My high school mate likes me because I am good at advice, my colleagues like me because I am funny. What would happen if I stop being funny at work and start being a philosopher instead by giving free advise as I did with my school mate? 

As an individual, we have a tough task of changing our individuality depending on the person who we are with. Chameleon in action. 

As life goes on you as a person gain popularity among people and create a space in their lives. You start prioritizing people, work, things and so many other needs. You feel you are doing by sharing your time with them. Whatever little you can do by being there at that moment. It brings us great joy being around loved ones. 

What if the love goes to the next level? You fall in love with one of your friends and you want them to be with you for the rest of your life. 

This part changes many things, you don’t realise that you have to change all your priorities and make this person your everything. You also don’t want to let go of your friends. Hey, they have been there for a longer time in your life. It is stupid to let go of people because you have a new entry. 

Understanding an individual takes time. When you understand them you have a fixed notion about them. If they appear to be new, you accuse them and say ‘You have changed’. In reality, that person was being themselves and the new situation got out a new face in them, which was not shown before. 

Honestly, men are easier to understand and get along with. I know as a man that is easy for me to say. No complex wire connections in our head. We decide we want to eat we just go grab some delicious food and that is it. But when I have to decide about food with a lady friend, it is a 2-3 hour task just to decide where to go. Don’t even get me started about the menu 😀

Women are a lesson in life. They make you wonder, they make you think, they want you to be better. No matter what kind of a relationship it is, a woman strives to make you a better person. 

After some twisted and harsh realities, I would say life is a lesson. You learn from everyone in it. May it be a person in your present, past or even future. Everybody has something to teach you. Be grateful that they had you prepared for the best and bad that life had to throw at you. 

Accept every person as they are, it is easy for you to know many and it is easy for them to open up to you. 

There is no better gift than the gift of friendship. 

Lots of love, 

Vivek